Discipling Conversations
Discipling conversations will often lead to one of three responses.
There’s green, and green means go! They’re the receptive ones who engage in the conversation and respond to the Spirit. Keep them around!
Then there’s yellow, the ones who are hesitant to engage, but not standoffish. There’s possibly another avenue to explore with them that they’d be more willing to hear about and open up to.
Then there’s red, the ones who want nothing to do with God. Don’t waste your time trying to convince or persuade them. They’re just closed to the things of God.
The Cultural Christians
It’s easy to figure out who’s yellow or red in an unreached or least-reached culture. With no social pressure, most people there have owned that they don’t believe in Jesus. They’re not afraid to say ‘not interested,’ so there isn’t any confusing Christian lip service.
In a religious area where Christianity is pervasive in the culture, it’s a whole different field.
The reds are disguised as yellows.
When you’re done talking with them about faith, you walk away wondering what the heck just happened? They were sorta friendly, sorta open, definitely knew the right words to say, even asked some questions. But the conversation didn’t go anywhere! They stayed at an arm’s distance. I think they’d prefer to never talk about this again. So, they were reddish-yellow lights?
It’s kinda the worst.
I had two encounters inside a week that showed me both ends of the spectrum of the most confusing kinds of conversations with cultural Christians. Both are, in the end, red lights, but both disguise themselves in the cultural Christian suits, just in different ways.
The Buttoned Up Theologians
On the far right end of the spectrum is the buttoned-up theologian. This is the person who has gone deep into Christian theology, who maybe is genuinely trying to follow Jesus, but who is also so wrapped up in theology that they isolate themselves.
It’s possible this person has never experienced a genuine community of disciples who live in loving relationships and focus on the mission of God. It’s also possible that the necessity of sound theology has been driven deep into their psyche, thus they can’t get through a discipling conversation with another believer without giving them a theological litmus test. Whatever the reason, this person has found it safer to be a Christian nomad; they’ll go to Sunday morning church, they study the Bible, but they are hesitant at best at letting their walls down and entrusting themselves to a community of devoted followers of Christ.
Talking to this person is, frankly, annoying. In my encounter with this type this past week, I couldn’t say my usual, “I’m always glad to meet a brother in Christ”, without him starting up the test, “Okay, so what is the gospel?…Do you believe in reformed theology?… What denomination are you a part of?… You do have elders, don’t you?” and so on.
Now, those aren’t bad questions, but they’re Pharisee questions. Jesus didn’t go around grilling people’s theology, he went around calling people to lay down their lives and follow him.
Red light cultural theologians aren’t focused on discipleship, Jesus, mission, or love… they’re focused on getting it right, and making sure you have it right. And even if you answer perfectly, they’ll probably still hold you at an arms distance.
Sound like the type Jesus invested in?
The Ones Who Don’t Know What They Believe
On the other end of the spectrum are the ones who just don’t know what they believe. They might go to church, they might even be solid volunteers, and they might look like the part of a loving, caring person. But, under the surface, they have no idea what they really believe about God.
They’ve done the church thing, but they’ve never dived in and discovered for themselves who God is, why He does what He does, and what their purpose is in His kingdom. They’ve never truly surrendered. So, their theology is more akin to philosophy, their ideas are contradictory in themselves and to the common Christian faith, and they tend to be apprehensive and/or defensive around discipling conversations.
They’re confusing to talk to because they’re confused. They might ask poignant defensive questions about theology that you probably shouldn’t answer because they’re symptom questions to keep you from getting to the root issue: they don’t know God, and they don’t want to leave their comfort zone.
Sound like the type Jesus invested in?
Let Them Go
Both types appear to be yellow lights. You might think, ‘well they didn’t blow me off… they’re willing to have discipling conversations… so it didn’t go so well, maybe I didn’t ask the right questions!’
With these cultural Christians, it’s not about your conversational prowess.
In the end, even after answering the questions of both as best I could, and asking meaningful questions about the kingdom of God and true faith, I realized something; neither of them was interested in talking about Jesus, His desires, and commandments, and our transformed lives with Him.
In a/an (insert non-christian religious affiliation here) context, both of these types would be easily identified as red lights. But, because of their cultural Christian background and limited understanding of God, we can be duped into thinking they’re yellow lights who might just need more time and care. Ultimately, you know it by the way you feel after a discipling conversation with them… neither of them cares what you have to say, and they certainly aren’t open to discussing God and faith with you. They both want to stay where they are. They’re stopped for the moment. And that’s a red light.
Time to move on.
The Caveats
Neither type is hopeless. Jesus actually stuck it out with at least one person from each camp, and both of them became devoted disciples. So neither type of person should be written off.
Nicodemus was a buttoned-up theologian, a Pharisee, who came to Jesus asking tough theological questions. He wanted to know if Jesus was legitimate. (John 3:1-21)
The woman at the well didn’t know what she believed. She was uncertain about God and confused about life. She wanted to know if God actually cared. (John 4:7-30)
Neither of them was easy to talk to. Both had tough questions that put Jesus on the spot. What’s important to notice about both of the folks mentioned above is that they both processed what Jesus was saying. They were both receptive to Christ’s truth, so they both reflected upon their lives and allowed His words to sink in. In the end, after some difficult conversation, they both realized their need for God.
So, both of them had the initial appearance of a yellow light, but both turned to green! The difference to look for in discipling conversations is this: are they asking questions to test you and/or throw you off, or do they genuinely want to engage in this conversation with you?
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